i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
