drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
