how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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