brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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