Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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