All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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