dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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