I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize