God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
