college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
