turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There's even glitter on my cock...
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