Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
