hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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