You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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