Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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