She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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