Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
