I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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