Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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