i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
