shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
