Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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