look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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