Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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