At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
