i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sext me about skeletons
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
