my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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