today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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