go do what you do best...puke behind churches
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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