you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
