He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
50% drunk capacity currently
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
