He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
