i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
