uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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