is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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