Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
