All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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