I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
