Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
