Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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