I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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