It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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