How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
