i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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