You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You're like the curious george of whores
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
