So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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