omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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