I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm bleeding and have questions
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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