Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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