Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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