happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
