Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
