You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
