We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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