Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
