I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
