I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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