SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
