I hate your face
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
third nipple confirmed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
