I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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