So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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