i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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