i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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