exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
