i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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