I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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