she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
