I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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