But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
