found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
