He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
