as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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