I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
