then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
