How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
