If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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