who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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