apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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