Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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