Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize