Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
