need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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