It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
