That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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