Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
