last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
